So my darling girl left Monday night with her auntie and cousins for a week in Maine by the seaside. The plan was to go fetch her today, I was so thrilled to be seeing her today. Got a text yesterday from my sister telling me that Pixie wanted to stay another week but didn’t know if she should because despite her having a lot of fun she worried that I probably missed her and she misses me. Truth is I do miss her, more than anything, I am lost without her and have nothing to fill that void because for the better part of ten years I have focused on her, work and school. My needs tucked away because there was simply no time. Now I have a week off from school ahead of me and no clue what to do. I have no local friends, how could I? NO time spent fostering any relationships…my love life is a huge joke, I’m a magnet for liars and that is both heartbreaking and disconcerting. So now for the the first time in ten years I have a week before me and no idea what to do with it. It’s not like I can up and go somewhere, that requires $$ which is nearly nonexistent lately. I’m thinking of documenting this next week…subtitled “Steph’s descent into madness” (LOL)…I have spent the last two days thoroughly cleaning and sorting our space, about halfway through. The garden needs weeding. I should focus time to reintegrate yoga and regular exercise back into my routine. Right now the focus is fighting the urge to sob hysterically because I am afraid that if I start I won’t be able to stop, so much has been built up and packed away for so long that I fear I might break irreparably. Scary.

I am hoping that this won’t be a long week of “poor me”. I don’t want it to be….more a thinking out loud and documentation should I actually achieve a positive breakthrough…

eeeks